Positivity and Quotes (thoughtfulness)
and Song Lyrics

A close friend of mine once called me the most positive person she knew, it’s a statement that’s always stayed with me.

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I’ve worked hard to be that person, sometimes too hard with negative effects. Now I’ve promised that everything I write and talk about will be real so let me go back several years, in fact back to childhood. Now my childhood wasn’t a bad one but it wasn’t a great one either, as much as my mother tried she was always up against it, my father was and still is a very negative and angry man and that would always filter down to mum and onto me.

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Looking back I see how this negativity followed me throughout my life, I picked up many habits from those around me, nothing awful but I’d always see the downside of things and not the opportunities that would be available to me, how could it be any different when you had no guidance or support from your parents?

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Don’t get me wrong I did ok in future years but I always felt I could’ve and should’ve done better in life.

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My emotions would always control me and I’d react negatively to situations around me, I’d inherited my dad’s anger especially if things didn’t go my way… Over the years my eating habits caused my weight to steadily increase and around 8 years ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, this was a total shock to me. In February 2020 I was told to lose weight or face a lifetime of medication. This really made me determined to lose weight, I joined a nutrition club and gained a qualification in health and nutrition, the weight started to come off even through lockdown. I started to feel so much better not just physically but my mental health improved massively.

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Over the past 14 years I’d really suffered mentally, losing a business, a marriage and the loss of my mother. I ended up looking after my elderly father and when he had an accident 2 years ago I became an unpaid carer. All this things really took their toll on my health but by eating heathy, exercising regularly I just kept going. Sure the last 2 years have been incredibly hard, looking after dad is not easy especially with the past always lurking in the shadows. My weight did increase as I took solace in bad foods, a relationship breakup and some health issues all made me seriously consider my future. October 2023 was possibly the lowest point in my life, no concrete plans were made but I did think about ending it all…..

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I was in a very dark place and knew something needed to change, I phoned the Samaritans, got prescribed anti-depressants (I’ll come back to that) and for the first time started therapy. I remember my first appointment, I was an emotional mess, I realised I hated myself, I couldn’t look in the mirror and felt I have nothing going for me, I’d lost my friends and relationships with my family were no existent.

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I suffered so much anxiety, self doubt was flowing through me and I was at a complete loss, a bout of illness floored me and I felt I had no future, but slowly but surely with the help of the medication but mainly therapy I started to make some progress. I did a lot of self reflection, I was brutally honest with myself and admitted my failings but also started to see the good side to my personality and life. I realised I had a lot of trauma throughout my childhood caused by family life, and whilst I cannot change the past I have learnt to accept it and not be angry or resentful.

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So I continue to move forward, sure there are bumps, twists and turns and sometimes the journey is fraught with delays and accidents and that’s absolutely fine, it’s all part of the thing called LIFE. I know not what the future holds but that’s ok and actually it’s kind of exciting. I have a pretty good support network some great friends and a life that’s pretty good. I have a great partner and my relationship with my family is so much better, not perfect but that’s totally ok.

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I’ve started to do the things I enjoy again, playing Badminton, going to the Theatre and Cinema, I’ve even started to pick up the camera again as I love my photography. I accept who I am and realise that the work I do on myself will continue for the rest of my days, my weight is starting to drop and for the first time in a long time I am genuinely excited about the future and all it holds. I know there will be tough challenges and ups and downs but I am ready for them all….bring them on!

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So that leads me to this section of the website… positivity, gratefulness and quotes. I’m a sucker for a good quote so expect to see a plethora of inspiration, in the interests of balance and keeping it real they will be writings when I’m feeling not so good, oh and song lyrics, I absolutely love music.